Amazon’s Guide to Using the Internet: Write Like a Writer Portfolio Piece
Amazon has created a revolutionary new browser and a safer internet.
Please use this guide as instructions on using this new and improved internet.
- DO log into the internet with your fingerprint, retinal scan, breath, or other biometrics. This lets Amazon ensure your internet is linked to the correct Amazon account.
- DO ensure your credit card is connected to your account. Amazon will automatically bill you for any services you use or anything you access behind a paywall. This will allow you to use the internet freely, without having to authorize payments or think about how much things will cost.
- DO share your private information with other people online. Amazon’s algorithms already know all of your sensitive information and can identify and remove any information that might fall into the wrong hands.
- DO embrace the new, personalized experience. The new internet is all about YOU! Amazon has used all of your information to shape how the internet looks. It prioritizes the information you should care most about and hides information that is unnecessary.
- DO remove ads. Amazon will bill you for every ad you remove. Remember to provide feedback on why you didn’t want to see those ads.
- DO NOT worry about cookies. Amazon has permanently turned all cookies on so that sites can gather your information and provide you with the most personalized experience possible.
- DO NOT worry about having to log in to outside accounts ever again. Amazon already knows all of your passwords and has linked them to your account. This allows Amazon to automatically sign you into any account you access.
- DO NOT expect to be able to reach all sites. Some sites, such as Twitter and the New York Times, have been removed for spreading dangerous thoughts.
- DO NOT make any posts anywhere that may have a negative impact on Amazon or any of its interests. Such posts will be immediately removed and the writer reported for spreading misinformation.
- DO NOT attempt to use any other browser. These other browsers are unsafe and you will be promptly redirected to Amazon’s internet.
Photo by Christian Wiediger on Unsplash
Sarah Williams • Jan 19, 2023 at 5:34 PM
Great work and great delivery at assembly, Maeve!
David Liu • Jan 17, 2023 at 11:54 AM
How ironic, but the fact is that companies have to maximize their profits, but I agree with the fact that the internet has not been as anonymous as it could have been.