Musk Buys Britain – Write Like a Writer Portfolio piece

Musk Buys Britain - Write Like a Writer Portfolio piece

Kevin Chen, Writer

The well-known Billionaire Elon Musk decided to purchase Britain.

On February 30, 2023, England announced that a new treaty between Elon Musk and Britain had been approved and signed by the new Prime Minister of Britain: Rishi Sunak. This acquisition shocked not only the British people but also US officials. 

During the latest press conference at the White House, President Joe Biden criticized Elon Musk: “This is an unacceptable purchase. It’s a signal of billionaires starting to seize political power in order to gain more wealth”. The worry turned out to be reasonable as the first decree Elon Musk published after the purchase was to “fire” half of the British citizens by canceling their citizenship and sending them out of Britain. This leads us to why he decided to purchase Britain and why he immediately “fired” half of the British.

To find out the answer, we must trace back to 2022 when another similar event took place–the purchase of Twitter. Twitter was once considered the most used social media according to the most trustworthy website-The, Onion. However, with the emergence of other social media platforms, such as Snapchat, the youth stopped using Twitter. 

To save Twitter, Elon decided to fire half of the Twitter employees to reduce the cost brought by the highly demanded snacks in the working area. An interesting fact was pointed out by one of the fired employees: the staff fired mostly had Snapchat on their phones. How Elon knew that these employees had Snapchat became another exciting topic. When it comes to the purchase of Britain, the official stated, “In an effort to place Britain on a healthy path, we must go through the difficult process of reducing our citizen population.” As a reaction, the British started to raise protests. They set up a huge screen in front of Buckingham Palace and played Avengers: Endgame on a loop from dawn to dusk. One of the protesters revealed the intention behind it: “Elon Musk is the devil Thanos. Now he has gained the ultimate power of the universe and started to wipe out half of the population. We must show him how villains are killed!” one of the protesters said angrily. To praise the valiant protesters, all the Michelin three stars restaurants in London provide free fish and chips to all the protesters and hope the protests will soon change Elon’s decision.

To ease the panic spreading among the citizens, Elon Musk also announced a Compensation Plan to help people who lose their citizenship buy a green card from another country. The plan includes ten thousand Dogecoin (about 800 USD), which is a kind of cryptocurrency supported by Elon Musk, for each person who loses their citizenship. After the publication of the Plan, roughly half of the protesters started to leave Buckingham Palace. One of the people said enthusiastically: “I’m sure the price of dogecoin will skyrocket. Soon people will realize what a dumb decision it is to refuse the compensation.”