Rights and Lefts

Rights and Lefts

Anonymous

I remember my first lacrosse season like it was last year, mainly because it was last year, but also because I only remember a few parts of it. I remember the running, oh how I HATED running. I remember my first goal, which wasn’t counted because we were off-sides, but we don’t talk about it. Lacrosse quickly became my favorite sport, not because I was good or had fun playing, but because 15-year-old me had a serious thing for lacrosse boys which started with TikTok. 

TikTok was the new app everyone was trying to get famous on the For You Page by either doing a unique dance or embarrassing themselves. I, myself, got TikTok famous and got so much #clout. One day, these boys who looked as if they came out of a Calvin Klein commercial popped up on my For You Page. To my surprise, they were lacrosse boys. I liked the video and for the next two days, these lacrosse boys came up on my feed every time I went on the app. Granted, these boys looked nothing like the lacrosse boys at my school, sorry boys, but I knew they looked like this somewhere. That idea filled me with hope and undoubtedly sparked my interest. 

It was a sunny day in May when I had my first interaction with lacrosse boys. Not any lacrosse boys though, THE lacrosse boys. The ones that had been infesting my feed for days. My jaw dropped to my knees as I watched at them walk across the gym for their game against our team as though they were the lifeguards from Baywatch. I didn’t think THE lacrosse boys existed, especially not in Worcester. I knew this was my chance to leave an impression that I thought would end me up in one of these boys’ arms, and I wasn’t going to pass it up. 

I walked in from the opposite door of the gym, heading to the locker room thinking I was Kim Kardashian. I fix my hair, squeezed my stomach, and walk past them to the locker room. As I walk by, one of THE lacrosse boys says, “Hey! Where are the bathrooms?”

My heart was racing. This was my chance to fulfill my teenage dream of dating one of THE lacrosse boys. To give a layout of the gym, on the left was the door the boys just walked in on and on the right were the bathrooms. I confidently say “It’s on the left.”

This would have been the perfect response…if the bathrooms were on the left. At this time, I had no idea why the boys were confused, and it made me confused. They look to their left and one of them says, “So y’all piss outside” and they all erupt in laughter. I think about what had just left my mouth ten seconds prior and realized I made a mistake not even kindergarteners make. And not in front of anyone. In front of THE lacrosse boys. My heart was slowly breaking as I realized I messed up my lefts and rights and my teenage dream. 

My response to their juvenile question: I laughed. At what, I’m still not sure, but I laughed. “AHAHA, I’m sorry I meant the right…” 

In my life, I’ve said some stupid things, such as asking my cousins in Turkey if they take day trips to Turks and Caicos often, but nothing will ever top what I said next. 

“…I never learned my lefts and rights,” I reply. 

A normal person would have just laughed at the boy’s question and apologized for messing up directions, yet I, clearly, am not normal. Not only was this addition to my response unnecessary, but it made them all laugh even more at the 15-year-old girl who does not know her lefts and rights. 

At the end of the day, the boys did not piss outside as they eventually found the bathrooms, yet I was scared. My dignity remains fractured, along with my ability to give directions, and my love for THE lacrosse boys and running were officially terminated by the end of that season.

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