Ask The Editor 3


transparent question marks

Alice Knowlton, Editor-in-Chief

Q: What will give me clout?

A: An excess of uric acid in the bloodstream leads to the buildup of urate crystals in the joints of
the foot. Wait, never mind, that’s gout.

Q: Who chooses who goes in the Bulldog costume?

A: I HAVE ALWAYS WONDERED THIS. Some speculate that each year a senior with a lot of
school spirit and without a strong aversion to other people’s sweat is chosen to take on the role
of Spike. I would like to put forth the theory that Spike is a hush-hush robotics team AI
experiment gone awry. He’s not a suited human, but a rogue animatronic with faulty wiring. We
keep having pep rallies in the hopes of luring him out and capturing him, but so far we’ve never
even come close.

Q: What’s your favorite word?

A: I have no idea. “Meretricious” and “Brobdingnagian” are classic favorites. Does profanity

Q: If I die, will I turn into an alien?

A: I’m assuming that you’re referring to the theory of reincarnation. Given the infinite nature of
our universe, it is almost certain that other planets exist with earth-like propensities for
supporting life, and therefore it is highly probable that extraterrestrial life exists in multiple
locations and varieties. Presumably, if one dies and is reborn as another organism, that
organism could be of any species, terrestrial or otherwise. In conclusion, that’s a hard maybe.

Q: Is life a simulation?

A: No, but there’s a parallel universe where it is.

Q: Why are snow banks always put in the most inconvenient places?

A: Well, if you had to get out of bed at some god-awful hour to drive around ploughing snow
while the rest of town cozily snoozes its way into a snow day, you’d feel a little passive
aggressive too.

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