Satire: A TV Show Script

Adelaide Zheng, Contributor

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Host: Today we invited Mei Wang, one of the most influential professors in China, to talk about her story growing up, and to reveal some secrets to success.

Wang: There are two key factors to success, and one of them is to use the natural talent that one is born with. When I was a month old, my parents invited the most powerful monk to arrange a fate-telling event for me. The monk tied my hands up and placed me in a bunch of stuff, including electronics, cloths, cooking plates, screwdrivers, CDs, and books. When the monk released my hands, my whole family, a total of 14 members, gathered around and held their breaths to see what I would pick.

Host: What did you pick?

Wang: I picked a book.

(The audience gasped and looked at Wang with amazement.)

Host: In case you don’t understand, there is a tradition called “Chua-chiu” in China, where people place a one-month old infant in a sea of items, and the item that the infant picks is what they will be good at in the future. The fact that Mrs.Wang picked a book means that she would have a brilliant future in academics.

Wang: Thank you. As a professor now in Shanghai, I feel so grateful that I have seen my future clearly when I was 30 days old. As the old saying goes, it is never too early to start planning your career. That said, I did meet obstacles. For most part I stayed on track, reading as much as I could, but I diverted to play Barbie dolls in fourth grade. Even until today, I still regretted the time spent with the dolls because while I was indulging in pleasure, my frenemy might be solving math problems and reading Shakespeare for fun.

(Audience sighed and nodded in agreement.)

Wang: At the age of 10, an age for the most rapid intellectual development, it was simply inappropriate to play with dolls— they do not teach you anything! I definitely did not improve my SAT vocabulary through playing with them.

(Host nodded.)

Wang: My mom consulted a child education professional about my issue, and the expert told her to buy me some classic novels to “broaden my horizon” so that I would not to be distracted by “childish stuff”. My mom searched online for book recommendations because she did not really read anything. However, she did find a good world-class novel for me.

(Pre-made VCR started playing. “Read this book,” a middle-aged women hands a thick book to a young girl, “it’s supposed to be very good.” The girl opens the book and reads dramatically, “Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul.”)

(VCR ended, audience clapped in admiration.)

Host: What a good opening sentence. No wonder it is one of the best novels.

Wang: Yes, and more to that. At the age of 10, it was from that book that I got my first sense of pure love; the attraction between Humbert and Lolita deeply intrigued me and made me understand that love could happen between anyone. I wished I had such romantic encounter like that.

(Background information on Lolita shown on screen: Lolita is one of the best English novels that tells the story of a middle-aged literature professor called Humbert who is obsessed with the 12-year-old Dolores Haze, with whom he becomes sexually involved after he becomes her stepfather.)

Wang: My success definitely has to do with the world-class novels that I read when I was young, but without my parents’ continuous support, I would not become who I am today. My dad constantly pushes me to be better and better, to jump out of my comfort zone and to aim for the impossible.

Host: Let’s give it a round applause to welcome Mrs.Wang’s father on stage.

(Audience clapped, some taking out phones to record this historic moment.)

Wang: My dad started planning my college career since I was 15. “I think my daughter should go to one of the Ivy Leagues,” my dad told a private counsellor, “it’s not that hard. I studied there.” The counselor was clearly amazed by that and asked, “Which Ivy League did you go to?” “Har-ward,” my dad said, “the Kii-nnedy School of Ga-wer-ment.”

(Audience gasped again, parents woke up sleepy kids and warned them to pay attention.)

Wang: I would never forget the counselor’s shocked face. However, you don’t know what my dad has been through from barely graduating from Shanghai College of Electrical Power to becoming a Harvard student. Only I knew the struggles and sacrifices he made to be where he is today.

(Wang started sobbing; her dad patted her.)

Wang: (after serious attempt to soothe down her emotion) The money and time he was willing to spend on studying was incomparable. He spent 9000$ for a 10-day program at Harvard, taught by some local international students, on the subject of Introductory English. My dad spoke zero English before, but he became so fluent in ordering Lo Mein, Chow Mein, even Gaw Mein in English in just ten days. No one values education more than my dad does. His inspiring story moved me to tears and encouraged me to study even harder. If he can sacrifice that much, why can’t I? I made up the resolution to make my dad and mom proud, and I have been living up to that promise ever since.

(Audience clapped crazily and gave Wang and her dad a standing ovation.)

Host: We are very thankful that Mrs.Wang is here to share her stories with us. A child’s success really depends on their own gift and the environment that they are born in. Mrs.Wang is granted both. Not a lot of people are born with the talent to grab books, and not all parents value education like Mrs.Wang’s parents do. This is today’s program. Hope you all had an educational day.

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