Clio’s Histories

Alice K., Writer

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I’m back! Yes indeed, Clio the mighty has returned after a summer of traveling the world and attending parties of the wealthy and influential. At long last, I am a sophomore. I have gained knowledge and power. I don’t have to go anywhere for x block. I walk in glory, and I don’t have to start college applications yet. So, for those of you unfamiliar with my sarcasm-laden monologues that frequented Unleashed last year, I will now provide a brief introduction and answer some frequently asked questions.

Full name: Clio Ariadne Thomas, PH.D. (Not really)

Hair color: keratin- colored

Eye color: beige

Pet peeves: Spotify ads, taking things seriously, when socks get holes in them.

Q: “Why are you so snarky all the time?”

A: Your amusement, of course! Are you saying you don’t appreciate my efforts?

Q: “What kind of stupid name is Cleo?”

A: First off, that’s Clio, with an I, you ignoramus, and secondly, Clio was the Greek muse of history. It means I know everything, including where you live, so curb your sass.

Q: “What’s your favorite food?”

A: Strawberry pop tarts. Go get me one (or rather two).

Q: “Favorite animal?”

A: Tree frogs. They don’t get nearly enough credit.

So there you have it, my children. Welcome to my following. This will be fun. So, I know you’re all dying for my take on the new schedule. Scores of letters from my fans have been flooding in, asking me to comment. I will answer this with a story. Not long ago, on a day when I had a free period immediately following the strange 30 minute spanse of time that I hear the locals call a “co-lab”, I decided to spend my morning productively by going back to sleep. I pulled from my backpack a blankie that I always keep with me for just such an occasion, and settled down on a couch in the lobby. I dreamt about strawberry cream cheese and getting lost at the mall, in case you were wondering. I awoke when I smelled far-off garlic breadsticks, and knowing it was lunch time, I dragged myself off the couch. Then I realized that either I had gone unexpectedly colorblind, or I had been asleep so deeply and for such a long time that the furniture had all been changed while I was out. They didn’t even ask me if I wanted one of the old couches to put in my giant sophomore locker! Clearly the hazards of falling asleep during all that free time were very dire. Next time, I might wake up in a castle after 100 years to find a mysterious youth claiming that he knew me once upon a dream, in my personal bubble, wearing pantyhose and one of those weird hats. And I’d still be 10 minutes early for my French class.

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